Finding Joy in Pain – Overcoming Your Anger Addiction

Finding Joy in Pain – Overcoming Your Anger Addiction

Anger addiction, at times known as anger control problems, anger management problems or anger disorders refers to dysfunctional patterns in the manner in which a person handles or reacts to anger. An anger control problem can go out of proportion, be destructive and leads to inappropriate reactions in a given circumstance. Most of the times, dysfunctional anger causes unnecessary harm to others, thus making an individual a danger to other people’s safety.

Certain individuals portray unhealthy ways of expressing and managing their anger in styles that are clearly unhealthy.


  • Behavioral Aggression – This is a description of anger expressed in the form of physical behavior towards objects through destruction of property or aggression towards other people. Aggressive behavior includes acts like domestic violence, aggressive driving, fist fights and so on.
  • Resentment – This is anger that leads to chronic hostility, ill will, loathing and blaming. An individual shows passive aggressive behavior like rage reactions and acting out, but although there is no physical abuse, it damages one’s health.
  • Verbal Abuse – Verbal abuse ranges from reactions such as; verbal rage reactions, temper tantrums, intimidation, bullying to brow beating. People who fail to assert themselves don’t think realistically about what they should do as individuals and they end up repressing their angry feelings. This is what builds up and erupts in the form of verbal abuse.
  • Passive Aggressive Behavior – This kind of behavior is expressed in the form of a pattern that starts with sarcasm and eventually, a cold shoulder to loved ones or neglect. Such individuals tend to avoid direct confrontations so that in the event that they cause indirect physical or verbal abuse to loved ones they have a protective cover of deniability.
  • Obsessive Anger – This can include envy, jealousy, paranoid fears, including maladaptive fears of rejection, betrayal or humiliation. Anger obsession destroys an individual’s sense of self-esteem and emotional security.

Other signs of anger disorder include; rage, retaliatory anger, judgmental anger, overwhelmed anger and manipulative anger. In case you portray these signs or you know of a friend who does, then dysfunctional anger is present and professional help is required to deal with the disorder.


People with dysfunctional anger should not be isolated or discriminated against; instead, they should seek help in anger management so that they can blend well with the society. It is unhealthy to ignore or suppress your anger; it is healthy to let it out, but in the right way. Aggression and intimidation cannot help one get to the root cause of their anger.

Some practical anger management techniques include:

Think Before You Act Or Speak
In the heat of the moment, we usually find ourselves saying or doing certain things that we end up regretting. Therefore, whenever a person or a situation seems unpleasant to you take a moment to collect your thoughts before you react.
Express Your Anger When You’re Calm
As soon as you are relaxed, you are in a position to think clearly and you can express your anger in a non-confrontational, but assertive manner. Once you have this opportunity, state all your needs and concerns directly and clearly without causing any harm or trying to control others.
In case you have problems knowing where to channel your frustrations, physical activity helps you reduce stress that causes you to become angry. When you feel like your anger is about to escalate,you can go for a walk or a run or any physical activity that reduces your frustrations.
Seek Out a Spiritual Foundation
Finding solace in Christ is a way to have a power greater then yourself intervene for you at the spiritual level. This foundation is comprised of bible reading, prayer, and seeking out a group of friends that can help you with having an accountability and balance.

Instead of focusing on what it is that made you angry, it is better to work on finding a solution to the issue at hand. At times, you can even take a timeout or short breaks in the course of the day during stressful times. This way, you meditate and find a solution to your problem instead of getting angry as it solves nothing.


It is important to note that, not every anger addict has a personality disorder, but the two seem to have a connection in most cases. If the condition escalates, leading to life threatening situations or consistent conflict with the law, it is advisable to seek help from a psychologist who can help one overcome the addiction. Before it gets that serious, the above techniques are not only practical, but they are also effective in helping one express and manage anger in a healthy way.