For those who’ve struggled with addiction in their own life or in that of a loved one, they’ve witnessed the confusing and sometimes twisted family dynamics that develop. In the name of loving and caring is an underbelly or co-dependence, manipulation, and enabling that having run its course, produces nothing but pain and resentment… and maybe the worst, “what ifs.”
In the book entitled, Beautiful Boy, author David Sheff speaks from the heart about the torture of living through “addiction hell” helping his son find recovery.That book had struck a painful nerve in me, especially the twisted co-dependency that complicated an already complicated picture. Imagine: you’ve just had a stroke, and the one thought coursing through your mind is “How is my child? How is my child? How is my child?” That warped sense of priorities seems all too familiar to parents of addicts who often assume second position behind the incessant demands of their child’s substance chemical dependency. More Here…
Understanding how codependency becomes a part of someone’s personality is highly related to patterns seen in their early development. Self-esteem blogger Savannah Grey explains well in her article Kicking Codependency to The Curb:
As children codependents were powerless to change any of their circumstances. They had to sit idly by, unable to do anything significant to change their reality. Now as adults and faced with the same type of abuse the codependent will create elaborate plans to help and change their abuser. Their partner’s healing, changing, and morphing into their perfect prince or princess becomes their sole focus. This feels so natural to the codependent and so they wrap up all their hopes and dreams into another, only to become disappointed again and again, as an abuser’s natural tendency is to exploit and frustrate. Read More…
The speaker in this video is Darlene Lancer is a lawyer and author who struggled with a codependent mother. Her book “Codependency for Dummies” and “Conquering Shame and Codependency,” are both well received and easy to understand.
She defines a person struggling with this as someone with a loss self, and can’t function within their innate self, and instead lives reactionary to another person, a substance, or a process.
If you can relate with the speaker or any other information on this page, here are some helpful tips to beating codependency, but as always it is not a bad idea to speak to a counselor or church leader to seek more personal advice or professional help.
Biblical Answers for Codependency